I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
