is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
