i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
