I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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