worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
