I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize