We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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