I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
