omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
