your thong is hanging out like whoa
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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