We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
