Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize