I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
