Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want her autograph on my taint
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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