saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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