if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
