We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
