I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
