so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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