Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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