Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
