I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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