We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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