Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
