And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
