So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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