porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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