You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
