Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
