fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
