Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
