This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
