So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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