The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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