You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
