As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
