hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
