I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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