That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
