A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
