Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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