I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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