I'm so fucking centered right now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
