You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
