Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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