I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
