I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
