i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
