Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
