D3 body, D1 cock
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
