Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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