the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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