I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
