Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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