You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He kissed a someone with a penis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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