yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
