wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
