God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
40s are totally the cure
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
