some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
