i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
