I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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