And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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