the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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