Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this will be a night to untag.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
