32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
