Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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