is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
