Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My vagina just recognized that song.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
