and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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