remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
