I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her vagine was all disorganized.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
