saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
