Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
