i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
