It's Friday. Sex?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
