Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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